I lay still in the tub. I don’t scrub, I don’t cry- nothing will take my feelings from me. Not truly. It all seems trite and silly. I just lay motionless in reflection.
I think if I were to fall asleep, maybe I could drown. I have heard that is a thing.
I don’t want to die, though. I just want to stop thinking. I want to stop the reminders. But the pain and fear are a part of me. To kill them, I would have to go, as well. And that just won’t do.
I get out of the tub and greet my family. They know nothing and I pretend it’s fine. Maybe if I pretend long enough, it will be.